New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
