Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
