Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
