Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
