Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
