I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
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and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
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We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
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