My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
