you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
