Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
