am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
In America we eat man semen.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
