Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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