you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
