I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
