Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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