dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
