Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
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