sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize