Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
