Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize