Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
