where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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