you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
