Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize