My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
