he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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