why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
