my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
