We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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