sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Randomize