just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Randomize
