Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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