you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize