found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
