I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
