I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
