I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize
