i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
