Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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