bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
