I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
