Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
