we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
