dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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