Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
