i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
