The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
