I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
