Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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