Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
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