Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
