I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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