the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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