you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
