we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
