I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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