the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Holy sore nipples Batman
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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