I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
