Im at strip club and am horny
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Randomize
