Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
