when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
