thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
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