Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
