So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Randomize
