sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Sorry my hands just texted you
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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