did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
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